(Medium, with its limited options for creators, is unable to format this piece the way I envision it. …
6. Cheese Stick
7. The Fin
8. Jack Rabbit
11. Womanizer Premium
12. MysteryVibe Crescendo
13. Blowfish Clitoral Stimulator
14. Magic Wand
15. Mama’s Boy
18. The Shaker
20. The Frenchman
21. Unbound Bender
The next 1,000 or so words are me ranting, so feel free to skip those to get to the list of alphabetized artists.
I’ve attended two karaoke gatherings over the last few months. Days prior to the first I’d lost my voice, so an actual performance was never going to…
Originally published in The Higgs Weldon in 2017, sometime around the summer, boy that feels like so long ago
Driving in New York City is not easy. There are endless distractions: constant traffic, streets full of crazed drivers, construction, pedestrians everywhere, and overzealous cops with quotas to fill. …
Originally published in The Higgs Weldon in like 2017 or something, in like April
Do you want to go to prom with me, a 24-year-old comedian?
No really, do you? Because I’d like to go to prom with you! As high school students across the country enter prom season I…
Twitter says I’ve been a member since February 2014, but only by formality; my first tweet came on August 14, 2018. That was also the day Aretha Franklin died, which I don’t think is coincidental.
My relationship with social media, as people are surely sick of me talking about, is…
“Fuck you” money: The amount of money you need in life to say “fuck you” to any person who asks you to do something, without facing repercussions.
The amount of money where you shouldn’t burn bridges lest you lose the financial support they provide.
The amount of money it takes…
The following piece has more to do with the Internet and my relationship with it and the people on it than it does with most anything else, I think, but to get there I’ll have to spend time on a few side characters. Thinking about the task ahead I realize…