ALL THE SHOES I’VE EVER OWNED

or DO BABIES WEAR SHOES? or A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY LIFE: FOOTWEAR or, if you must have a fourth, HOW I LEARNED TO STOP BEING BAREFOOT AND WEAR SHOES

(Medium, with its limited options for creators, is unable to format this piece the way I envision it. If you find it imperfect or hard to follow it is either your fault or Medium’s, not mine, as I have a clear vision for how it ought to be laid out, and I can assure you if we could do it my way there would be no complaints.)

I’m not a curious person, but when curiosity does strike it comes in obsessive pangs that tend not to matter outside of my own stubborn mind. Typically it manifests as something between a thought experiment, a research project, a field test, and a forced period of reflection; if it’s not a part of a dumb project, I am less likely to actually look inward, or even outward. Take, for instance, when I needed to know if you could have a pizza delivered to a McDonald’s — to inside of a McDonald’s, while you’re eating McDonald’s, if you’re just there in the McDonald’s and you make someone come meet you at the table you’re eating McDonald’s at and deliver your pizza. The answer is you can, and in finding this out you’ll learn more about yourself than you might think. My lack of personal growth can largely be…