My 100 Best Tweets, Definitively Ranked

Twitter says I’ve been a member since February 2014, but only by formality; my first tweet came on August 14, 2018. That was also the day Aretha Franklin died, which I don’t think is coincidental.

My relationship with social media, as people are surely sick of me talking about, is not a joyful one: I technically broke up with a girl on Xanga (to be fair we weren’t really dating but she would call my home phone from time to time and she was mean to me and my friend Winston) (Xanga is also where I discovered literotica, so you tell me if that’s not a triumph)…