The First NCAA Basketball Bracket of 2023

Uncriticizable and probably correct

Dustin Mark
5 min readApr 6, 2022

If you’re like me, you can’t predict the future (and if you’re like me that bums you out). If you’re like me, you have a healthy appetite for gambling, and if you’re still like me you don’t want to needlessly jeopardize your pride. At the risk of alienating anyone or overcomplicating things too early let’s list off a few more ways you may be like me:

  • You have general sports knowledge and awareness but you’re far from an expert. Your main focus is soccer. You used to know a lot about baseball but now you’re more of a casual fan.
  • You find college sports fun but can be overwhelmed by the scope. Too many teams to keep up with!
  • You often feel the need to prove yourself, or at least to look like you somewhat know what you’re talking about.
  • You recognize that you have no competitive advantage when it comes to college basketball knowledge.
  • You recognize the absurd odds of correctly predicting even a handful of events, let alone a 64 (68 technically) team single-elimination knockout tournament.
  • If, having found no edge, you are forced to accept defeat, you feel inclined to protect your ego in a creative (read: obnoxious) way, so as to still technically partake in the fun, but without the inevitable shame of human error.

Uh oh, you’re a lot like me! On the bright side, you woke up the morning after the NCAA men’s…



Dustin Mark

Dustin Mark writes and performs comedy when asked to. Mailing list here: Massage Therapist podcasts can be googled.